The Privilege of being WHITE- Silence is compliance
As I sit here in my little corner, day by day hiding from social media, not reacting publicly about what is going on I am feeling so many things I have not been able to legitimately process what is really going on in my head. Writing is not my strength but I need to get things off my chest.
I am embarrassed, upset, ashamed, uneducated, unaware, ignorant, scared, depressed and I have never felt all of these emotions all at once. I am a police family who is torn between picking a side. I can not pick a side. I support my family. I support the police. Policies and accountability needs to change. #blacklivesmatter. And it needs to be understood. One life is not valued more than another.
An article came out by someone I look up too by Teri Hofford addressing and calling out the fact that some of us are staying silent. Immediately I felt not so good butterflies in my tummy and clicked to read more because, I was one of those people that has not made a stance in what is going on. Feeling ashamed is the first thing I felt. Not admitting to myself that I have a social platform and was not using it made me feel like a coward. Hiding behind my computer just so I do not offend anyone made me embarrassed for who I was as a person. SO I am using my social media platform, if you are racist I am ok with loosing you as a client.
Teri’s article was true, her post made me uncomfortable. “Growth doesn’t happen from your comfort zone”. She continued to go on “As someone who runs a photography education group, is IN a shit ton of photography groups/facebook groups of photographers, and someone who follows a lot of photographers, it has been EYE OPENING, to say the least, at the amount of people who promote BODY DIVERSITY, EMPOWERMENT FOR ALL, ETC yet have refused to take a stance on the #blacklivesmatter movement. “. Teri is in my group, she has spoken a few times and here I am one of those people who try to promote body diversity and I am extremely ashamed of myself, so here I am, super uncomfortable and calling myself out. I am uneducated in this topic and my silence means I am part of the problem. The same problem that watched a man get murdered while people watched. Ignorance is not an excuse.
So today June 3rd, I am saying #blacklivesmatter. I am coming out of my little safe corner to voice my opinion. A reason for not posting is I never get involved in politics or heavy topics because its exhausting to police trolls in many threads. I stay out of it. I am not necessarily afraid to lose clients but more of an avoidance of causing a social media argument.
It hurt to read “the ABILITY to care more about your business than human rights should show you your privilege and the ability to not say anything IS being complicit in the racist system”. LIKE oh my goodness that is not me as a person, but isn’t it. I am choosing to just be silent, so being silent is being compliant and ok with the racism in our world. WOOOOHHHAA, slap in face. It made me feel so bad about myself. I am a leader with OVER 13k women in my group. As much as I do not look at myself as a leader, I am definitely part of the problem by not voicing my opinion in the LEAST. I decide what goes on in my group, I decide what is allowed to be shared and what is not tolerated. Teri writes “It starts from the top, and friend, you are the top in your Facebook group.” And she is right.
I had to ask myself, Ashley why are you really not posting about this topic? and after starring at my screen I have come up with the fact that I am just uneducated in the real issues here. Because I am in my little safe bubble with my fancy white privileges. I took a deeper dive in what my problem is, and its the lack of exposure to the problem. I live and have always lived in a predominantly white community, the schools that I attended where always predominately white. My lack of exposure has made me ignorant of the problem. You do not really understand racism if you have never experienced it. You do not know what it may feel like to be turned down from a job because of the color you were born in. Or getting on a plane after 911. Not being able to drink from the same water fountain. I stay quiet because I am afraid of saying something wrong. That is the upmost truth. How can I post in my group about something I am so underexposed to. But choosing not to may speak much louder and that I am trying to work through
The second reason and the one closest to my heart is my family. I am a police family. The father of my children goes out everyday to serve and protect. Removing my blue line sticker from my car, making sure our home address is not anywhere on social media, I am scared for my families safety. I am a police family, and of course 99.9% of them are wonderful people. There is always going to be someone out there who is rotten. What happened to so many black people is unjust. And the point of all this is to demand a change. But here I am staying quiet because I am just scared. The other night a raccoon knocked over a coffee mug in my back yard. The feeling that my family was in danger is something I can not describe. My family matters. The Blue Line matters. And yes every life matters but that I have learned is not the point. The fact of racism and the larger picture of how much it still exists is a problem. Im scared to be a police family. I am scared someone is going to throw a brick at my fiances head. Or attack us in our homes. I am scared of the looters who are part of the problem. I am fully aware these are two different issues from riots and protests. My fellow friends who are law enforcements lives are in danger. I feel my life has been in a bad dream and shit who am I kidding it has been.
Another part of the problem is my damn portfolio, I took a step back and looked at it. AM I a racist? The answer is no, but there are many things I can work on. My portfolio is 98% predominantly white and its shitty. Here would be the part where I list all of my excuses but the reason is that black people are not going to hire me if they do not see any in my portfolio. So that MUST change. I always knew this was a problem in the diversity of my images but how do I single out a race in a model call. I need to understand this is a huge problem and I would love to diversify and learn from all women of age, color, size.
The Hash tag all lives matter, what I am coming to learn is that all lives wont matter until black lives do. Imagine if it was women’s rights again under fire, the me too movement. All lives wouldn’t matter unless women mattered. All lives wont matter till everyone is looked at equally. Duh, all lives are worthy but what I have come to learn is that a particular type of life is undervalued in America. Us white privileged americans probably do not know what it feels like to walk into a room that is all black, or having people not service you because of the color of your skin. I am sure I would be out-ragged if someone ignored me because of what I am.
So I am here to say, I see you, I hear you and I am with you. I am promising to educate myself on racism . Because I do not see it in my everyday life does NOT mean it is not there. Let me be clear #blacklivesmatter and I support #theblueline. If you have not posted about this topic, ask yourself why? It may be eye opening.
Please read the article that called my bullshit, there is a ton of info on there to educate yourself. Which is what I intend to do.
Why haven’t you posted #blacklivesmatter <———- click me
